








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 368 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 533 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 24 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




36 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6512 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 17,831 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6080 | 34% |
| Smokes | 3007 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 4791 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 3953 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $683,555 of utility $57 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1797 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ymcmb | 78% | 117 |
| #2 | ✪Fudge-Cakes™ | 77% | 137 |
| #3 | psykosage | 75% | 253 |
| #4 | lunar | 74% | 192 |
| #5 | Prophecy | 74% | 106 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | psykosage | 75% | 253 |
| #4 | lunar | 74% | 192 |
| #5 | Prophecy | 74% | 106 |
| #6 | shibobo | 69% | 133 |
| #7 | UmLungu | 64% | 140 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | psykosage | 38 | 0.0074 |
| #2 | lunar | 25 | 0.0058 |
| #3 | ✪Fudge-Cakes™ | 18 | 0.0061 |
| #4 | UmLungu | 12 | 0.0040 |
| #5 | ymcmb | 12 | 0.0050 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lunar | 1039 | 0.24 | 30 min |
| #2 | ✪Fudge-Cakes™ | 572 | 0.19 | 15 min |
| #3 | shibobo | 556 | 0.19 | 14 min |
| #4 | Prophecy | 522 | 0.25 | 13 min |
| #5 | UmLungu | 422 | 0.14 | 9 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | psykosage | +2.74 | 83 | 41 |
| #2 | lunar | +2.68 | 79 | 75 |
| #3 | ✪Fudge-Cakes™ | +1.86 | 81 | 71 |
| #4 | Prophecy | +1.61 | 72 | 70 |
| #5 | King Slayer | +1.25 | 71 | 56 |





