








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 3016 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 232 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 156 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 148 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 140 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 127 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 102 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 95 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 79 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 68 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 142 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




63 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
18984 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 51,340 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 11215 | 22% |
| Smokes | 15023 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 16664 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 8438 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,870,850 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1525 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fountain of autism | 53% | 261 |
| #2 | COACH | 50% | 693 |
| #3 | Backpack | 49% | 374 |
| #4 | Nose Clams | 48% | 270 |
| #5 | Keep_Calm & Let me KILL | 45% | 469 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Bro Pesci | 41% | 93 |
| #8 | MattMcD16 | 40% | 521 |
| #9 | Kiiryne | 40% | 68 |
| #10 | SFJake | 39% | 448 |
| #11 | YuckyTucky | 35% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | COACH | 26 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | SHREK | 21 | 0.0019 |
| #3 | SFJake | 21 | 0.0023 |
| #4 | Nose Clams | 19 | 0.0034 |
| #5 | fountain of autism | 17 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | COACH | 1667 | 0.12 | 40 min |
| #2 | SHREK | 1569 | 0.14 | 28 min |
| #3 | Keep_Calm & Let me KILL | 991 | 0.10 | 27 min |
| #4 | SFJake | 854 | 0.09 | 22 min |
| #5 | MattMcD16 | 621 | 0.06 | 15 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Entry | +4.99 | 63 | 79 |
| #2 | COACH | +1.76 | 46 | 63 |
| #3 | Nose Clams | -0.03 | 40 | 48 |
| #4 | Backpack | -0.33 | 56 | 50 |
| #5 | fountain of autism | -0.63 | 44 | 65 |





