








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 335 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 113 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 88 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 64 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 45 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 41 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 35 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 25 matches | ||
| Premier | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2557 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,279 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3925 | 20% |
| Smokes | 4883 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 7025 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 3446 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,250,291 of utility $235 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 118 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fountain of autism | 50% | 82 |
| #2 | COACH | 45% | 293 |
| #3 | Backpack | 43% | 137 |
| #4 | The Entry | 40% | 521 |
| #5 | Keep_Calm & Let me KILL | 36% | 246 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Nose Clams | 32% | 85 |
| #8 | SFJake | 31% | 245 |
| #9 | BUNNY FU FU | 29% | 41 |
| #10 | YuckyTucky | 26% | 102 |
| #11 | Bro Pesci | 26% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SFJake | 17 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | The Entry | 16 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | SHREK | 12 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | COACH | 11 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | fountain of autism | 8 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Entry | 1312 | 0.12 | 41 min |
| #2 | SHREK | 870 | 0.14 | 17 min |
| #3 | COACH | 715 | 0.12 | 16 min |
| #4 | Keep_Calm & Let me KILL | 502 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #5 | SFJake | 488 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | The Entry | +5.55 | 63 | 79 |
| #2 | COACH | +2.32 | 45 | 63 |
| #3 | Backpack | +0.55 | 59 | 47 |
| #4 | fountain of autism | +0.20 | 46 | 67 |
| #5 | SHREK | +0.09 | 57 | 65 |





