










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1731 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 396 matches | ||
| Faceit | 59 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 393 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5118 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,672 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1887 | 16% |
| Smokes | 3070 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3848 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2867 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,908,953 of utility $255 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1667 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nate | 59% | 56 |
| #2 | Carmi | 55% | 215 |
| #3 | Pred | 47% | 129 |
| #4 | Bumweiner | 47% | 137 |
| #5 | Jim Lahey | 44% | 194 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Pred | 47% | 129 |
| #4 | Bumweiner | 47% | 137 |
| #5 | Jim Lahey | 44% | 194 |
| #6 | btzy | 43% | 128 |
| #7 | Violent Randy! | 42% | 79 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Carmi | 11 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Bumweiner | 10 | 0.0034 |
| #3 | Jim Lahey | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | nate | 6 | 0.0052 |
| #5 | Violent Randy! | 4 | 0.0024 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Lahey | 457 | 0.11 | 15 min |
| #2 | Carmi | 431 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| #3 | nate | 330 | 0.29 | 8 min |
| #4 | Bumweiner | 320 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #5 | btzy | 313 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Carmi | +1.28 | 67 | 60 |
| #2 | Jim Lahey | +1.12 | 78 | 78 |
| #3 | Samurai | +1.00 | 84 | 52 |
| #4 | Bumweiner | -0.82 | 67 | 63 |
| #5 | nate | -0.92 | 58 | 73 |





