








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 652 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 437 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




28 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4570 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 16,232 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4408 | 27% |
| Smokes | 4012 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 4820 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 2992 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,432,971 of utility $215 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 324 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Violent Chad! | 61% | 46 |
| #2 | JIZZxJACKER | 55% | 58 |
| #3 | nate | 54% | 56 |
| #4 | Daniel Larson | 52% | 52 |
| #5 | btzy | 50% | 222 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Pred | 47% | 249 |
| #9 | Samurai | 47% | 137 |
| #10 | billbaseball1978 | 47% | 75 |
| #11 | Jim Lahey | 44% | 194 |
| #12 | Hunter Biden | 43% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pred | 11 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | Jim Lahey | 9 | 0.0022 |
| #3 | Samurai | 9 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Violent Randy! | 7 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Carmi | 7 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | btzy | 575 | 0.12 | 15 min |
| #2 | Jim Lahey | 424 | 0.10 | 14 min |
| #3 | nate | 359 | 0.30 | 8 min |
| #4 | Pred | 313 | 0.06 | 7 min |
| #5 | Carmi | 254 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Lahey | +2.52 | 80 | 77 |
| #2 | JIZZxJACKER | +1.40 | 74 | 78 |
| #3 | Carmi | +1.12 | 67 | 59 |
| #4 | Samurai | +0.74 | 85 | 51 |
| #5 | nate | +0.13 | 56 | 71 |





