








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 770 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 622 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 15 different maps





Our logs show 80 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5813 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,515 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6466 | 32% |
| Smokes | 5434 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4021 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 4594 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,514,677 of utility $241 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 441 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daniel Larson | 50% | 46 |
| #2 | Bumweiner | 50% | 222 |
| #3 | JIZZxJACKER | 49% | 69 |
| #4 | Carmi | 49% | 172 |
| #5 | nate | 47% | 113 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Violent Randy! | 44% | 390 |
| #8 | Samurai | 43% | 128 |
| #9 | Jim Lahey | 42% | 291 |
| #10 | Pred | 42% | 329 |
| #11 | Hunter Biden | 41% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Lahey | 15 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | Violent Randy! | 13 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Samurai | 12 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | Pred | 11 | 0.0016 |
| #5 | Carmi | 8 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nate | 701 | 0.31 | 18 min |
| #2 | Jim Lahey | 670 | 0.11 | 23 min |
| #3 | Bumweiner | 453 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #4 | Pred | 433 | 0.06 | 9 min |
| #5 | Carmi | 314 | 0.08 | 8 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JIZZxJACKER | +2.62 | 75 | 74 |
| #2 | Jim Lahey | +1.72 | 78 | 75 |
| #3 | Samurai | +1.36 | 86 | 48 |
| #4 | Carmi | +1.07 | 66 | 59 |
| #5 | Violent Chad! | +0.06 | 66 | 50 |





