








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 653 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 493 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 6 matches | ||
| Faceit | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 186 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2908 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 20,072 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1515 | 8% |
| Smokes | 4651 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 7707 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 6199 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,090,550 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 110 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daniel Larson | 56% | 43 |
| #2 | Carmi | 49% | 135 |
| #3 | Bumweiner | 48% | 189 |
| #4 | Violent Chad! | 47% | 66 |
| #5 | JIZZxJACKER | 46% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | btzy | 44% | 390 |
| #8 | Pred | 43% | 305 |
| #9 | Samurai | 42% | 79 |
| #10 | Hunter Biden | 39% | 57 |
| #11 | nate | 38% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Lahey | 9 | 0.0021 |
| #2 | Pred | 8 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | Bumweiner | 7 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | btzy | 4 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | Carmi | 4 | 0.0018 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | btzy | 412 | 0.07 | 9 min |
| #2 | Jim Lahey | 295 | 0.07 | 10 min |
| #3 | Bumweiner | 173 | 0.07 | 4 min |
| #4 | nate | 117 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #5 | Pred | 107 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JIZZxJACKER | +1.99 | 74 | 77 |
| #2 | Jim Lahey | +1.71 | 79 | 76 |
| #3 | Samurai | +1.45 | 88 | 53 |
| #4 | Carmi | +1.35 | 68 | 61 |
| #5 | Violent Chad! | +0.62 | 69 | 53 |





