








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 379 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 455 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 72 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2649 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,665 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1841 | 12% |
| Smokes | 4314 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 5413 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 4097 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,592,649 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Daniel Larson | 55% | 71 |
| #2 | JIZZxJACKER | 48% | 73 |
| #3 | Samurai | 47% | 129 |
| #4 | Bumweiner | 47% | 249 |
| #5 | Carmi | 46% | 207 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | nate | 44% | 105 |
| #8 | Violent Randy! | 43% | 305 |
| #9 | btzy | 42% | 329 |
| #10 | Violent Chad! | 42% | 38 |
| #11 | Hunter Biden | 42% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bumweiner | 13 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Jim Lahey | 12 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | Carmi | 9 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Violent Randy! | 8 | 0.0018 |
| #5 | Samurai | 6 | 0.0032 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | btzy | 303 | 0.07 | 7 min |
| #2 | Jim Lahey | 297 | 0.06 | 10 min |
| #3 | Bumweiner | 247 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #4 | nate | 223 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #5 | Carmi | 151 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jim Lahey | +1.93 | 79 | 76 |
| #2 | Samurai | +1.14 | 86 | 50 |
| #3 | Carmi | +1.11 | 67 | 59 |
| #4 | JIZZxJACKER | +1.03 | 74 | 75 |
| #5 | Violent Chad! | +0.18 | 67 | 55 |





