








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 220 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 242 matches | ||
| Premier | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2540 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,900 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3831 | 35% |
| Smokes | 3541 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2226 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1302 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $831,265 of utility $122 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 205 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | PastorJuanDeegz | 38% | 69 |
| #8 | John Wick | 35% | 26 |
| #9 | n1ps | 30% | 33 |
| #10 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 25% | 44 |
| #11 | twisle | 24% | 17 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Telcis | 444 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #2 | emforr | 179 | 0.03 | 5 min |
| #3 | coldhand kelpy | 153 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | n1ps | 128 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #5 | PastorJuanDeegz | 124 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Baker™ | +2.86 | 61 | 56 |
| #2 | coldhand kelpy | +2.82 | 88 | 51 |
| #3 | STILLER | +1.51 | 64 | 36 |
| #4 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | +0.86 | 42 | 59 |
| #5 | n1ps | +0.25 | 61 | 65 |





