








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 5 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 172 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
499 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,768 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2355 | 41% |
| Smokes | 1156 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 1417 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 840 | 15% |
Our logs show you have wasted $127,034 of utility $103 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | emforr | 41% | 51 |
| #9 | drew_- | 40% | 15 |
| #10 | Telcis | 36% | 25 |
| #11 | Irvinskile | 35% | 26 |
| #12 | n1ps | 32% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AnArtichoke | 2 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | emforr | 1 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | drew_- | 1 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | MJayyS (KennyS 2.0) | 1 | 0.0179 |
| #5 | n1ps | 1 | 0.0217 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | n1ps | 45 | 0.98 | 1 min |
| #2 | Irvinskile | 42 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #3 | twisle | 41 | 0.48 | 1 min |
| #4 | Telcis | 35 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | drew_- | 28 | 0.11 | 1 min |





