








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 524 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 208 matches | ||
| Premier | 170 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




22 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3378 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,371 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3926 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3475 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 6874 | 37% |
| Molotovs | 4096 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,744,772 of utility $180 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2864 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Jakob | 41% | 29 |
| #9 | n1ps | 39% | 51 |
| #10 | Telcis | 38% | 93 |
| #11 | Irvinskile | 37% | 70 |
| #12 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 36% | 96 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Telcis | 307 | 0.14 | 8 min |
| #2 | n1ps | 241 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #3 | Irvinskile | 226 | 0.14 | 4 min |
| #4 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 197 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #5 | iMpakT | 136 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakob | +3.42 | 75 | 73 |
| #2 | Tony2Pumps | +2.08 | 50 | 26 |
| #3 | John Baker™ | +1.10 | 49 | 49 |
| #4 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | +0.74 | 45 | 57 |
| #5 | n1ps | +0.72 | 55 | 70 |





