








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1206 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 586 matches | ||
| Premier | 262 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




29 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
8940 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,069 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2862 | 16% |
| Smokes | 2774 | 15% |
| HE Grenades | 7530 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 4903 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $5,604,490 of utility $289 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1033 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakob | 51% | 93 |
| #2 | venikue | 46% | 46 |
| #3 | John Baker™ | 45% | 110 |
| #4 | bigchib | 45% | 67 |
| #5 | PastorJuanDeegz | 44% | 172 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Irvinskile | 15 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 8 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | PastorJuanDeegz | 7 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | John Wick | 4 | 0.0024 |
| #5 | n1ps | 4 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Telcis | 1012 | 0.16 | 27 min |
| #2 | Irvinskile | 808 | 0.16 | 18 min |
| #3 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 510 | 0.11 | 14 min |
| #4 | Jakob | 333 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #5 | John Baker™ | 290 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakob | +2.50 | 70 | 75 |
| #2 | n1ps | +1.55 | 66 | 69 |
| #3 | venikue | +0.73 | 52 | 60 |
| #4 | John Baker™ | +0.72 | 58 | 49 |
| #5 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | -0.15 | 40 | 61 |





