








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 777 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 613 matches | ||
| Premier | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 60 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




37 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7001 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 30,316 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8925 | 29% |
| Smokes | 7215 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 8159 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 6017 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $589,881 of utility $39 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1972 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | drew_- | 60% | 45 |
| #2 | iMpakT | 52% | 54 |
| #3 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 49% | 45 |
| #4 | Telcis | 42% | 57 |
| #5 | PastorJuanDeegz | 39% | 51 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | iMpakT | 52% | 54 |
| #3 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 49% | 45 |
| #4 | Telcis | 42% | 57 |
| #5 | PastorJuanDeegz | 39% | 51 |
| #6 | emforr | 35% | 57 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | drew_- | 5 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | iMpakT | 253 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #2 | Telcis | 228 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #3 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 149 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #4 | drew_- | 145 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | PastorJuanDeegz | 74 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | drew_- | +1.50 | 46 | 64 |
| #2 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | +0.90 | 49 | 66 |
| #3 | n1ps | +0.61 | 60 | 68 |
| #4 | iMpakT | -0.34 | 62 | 73 |
| #5 | emforr | -0.81 | 42 | 55 |





