








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 669 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 274 matches | ||
| Premier | 111 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3891 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,704 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3357 | 24% |
| Smokes | 3508 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2795 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 4044 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,851,643 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 371 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Jakob | 43% | 35 |
| #8 | emforr | 43% | 213 |
| #9 | iMpakT | 42% | 69 |
| #10 | PastorJuanDeegz | 36% | 96 |
| #11 | Irvinskile | 26% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Irvinskile | 9 | 0.0086 |
| #2 | emforr | 7 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | PastorJuanDeegz | 6 | 0.0030 |
| #4 | Jakob | 2 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | Telcis | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Telcis | 594 | 0.16 | 14 min |
| #2 | iMpakT | 241 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | n1ps | 192 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| #4 | LazyBullitz | 183 | 0.29 | 5 min |
| #5 | Irvinskile | 181 | 0.17 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakob | +2.60 | 72 | 76 |
| #2 | John Baker™ | +1.45 | 61 | 55 |
| #3 | n1ps | +0.61 | 62 | 73 |
| #4 | iMpakT | +0.02 | 57 | 72 |
| #5 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | -0.17 | 41 | 63 |





