








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 494 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 382 matches | ||
| Premier | 86 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3425 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,741 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5276 | 28% |
| Smokes | 3649 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 5255 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 4561 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,763,838 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 197 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | STILLER | 53% | 34 |
| #2 | iMpakT | 47% | 51 |
| #3 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 43% | 157 |
| #4 | n1ps | 42% | 57 |
| #5 | John Baker™ | 42% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Irvinskile | 11 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | emforr | 10 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | PastorJuanDeegz | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #5 | STILLER | 3 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Irvinskile | 493 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #2 | I Really Need A Girlfriend | 413 | 0.11 | 11 min |
| #3 | n1ps | 243 | 0.17 | 7 min |
| #4 | emforr | 202 | 0.03 | 5 min |
| #5 | iMpakT | 196 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jakob | +2.54 | 74 | 73 |
| #2 | STILLER | +1.98 | 70 | 43 |
| #3 | n1ps | +1.36 | 60 | 71 |
| #4 | John Baker™ | +1.31 | 66 | 52 |
| #5 | iMpakT | +0.90 | 58 | 70 |





