








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 73 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 44 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
777 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,048 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 897 | 44% |
| Smokes | 556 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 436 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 159 | 8% |
Our logs show you have wasted $141,523 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 7 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blunt | 80% | 5 |
| #2 | Slippy | 57% | 7 |
| #3 | Barack O'Beezy | 51% | 53 |
| #4 | luomubanaani420 | 46% | 41 |
| #5 | Family Strokes | 45% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Barack O'Beezy | 51% | 53 |
| #4 | luomubanaani420 | 46% | 41 |
| #5 | Family Strokes | 45% | 22 |
| #6 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 41% | 27 |
| #7 | teamrw | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 3 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | teamrw | 3 | 0.0074 |
| #3 | Slippy | 2 | 0.0142 |
| #4 | Family Strokes | 1 | 0.0022 |
| #5 | Blunt | 1 | 0.0096 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Barack O'Beezy | 119 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #2 | luomubanaani420 | 94 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 90 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #4 | teamrw | 23 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | Blunt | 23 | 0.22 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 69asscheek | +5.77 | 69 | 53 |
| #2 | Slippy | +3.35 | 71 | 46 |
| #3 | Blunt | +3.00 | 36 | 46 |
| #4 | teamrw | +1.19 | 49 | 63 |
| #5 | asscheeks69asscheeks | -0.76 | 55 | 56 |





