








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 24 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 47 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
295 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,843 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 333 | 18% |
| Smokes | 616 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 505 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 389 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $228,596 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 69asscheek | 46% | 41 |
| #2 | Barack O'Beezy | 46% | 50 |
| #3 | Blunt | 40% | 15 |
| #4 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 38% | 29 |
| #5 | teamrw | 37% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Barack O'Beezy | 46% | 50 |
| #3 | Blunt | 40% | 15 |
| #4 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 38% | 29 |
| #5 | teamrw | 37% | 19 |
| #6 | Family Strokes | 25% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | teamrw | 4 | 0.0104 |
| #2 | 69asscheek | 3 | 0.0035 |
| #3 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 2 | 0.0033 |
| #4 | Barack O'Beezy | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #5 | Family Strokes | 1 | 0.0031 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 69asscheek | 193 | 0.22 | 4 min |
| #2 | Barack O'Beezy | 113 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #3 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 111 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #4 | Blunt | 80 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #5 | teamrw | 21 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 69asscheek | +6.92 | 73 | 57 |
| #2 | Blunt | +3.68 | 76 | 60 |
| #3 | teamrw | +0.75 | 39 | 63 |
| #4 | asscheeks69asscheeks | +0.70 | 55 | 53 |
| #5 | Barack O'Beezy | -1.41 | 53 | 60 |





