








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 405 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 140 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




21 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1447 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,024 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1605 | 32% |
| Smokes | 1341 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 516 | 10% |
| Molotovs | 1562 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $600,308 of utility $154 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 468 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Champ Hasbulla | 69% | 16 |
| #2 | Barack O'Beezy | 45% | 76 |
| #3 | Blunt | 45% | 92 |
| #4 | teamrw | 41% | 82 |
| #5 | 69asscheek | 41% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | 69asscheek | 41% | 27 |
| #6 | Slippy | 39% | 107 |
| #7 | luomubanaani420 | 38% | 29 |
| #8 | StormIsHot | 38% | 16 |
| #9 | Family Strokes | 36% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slippy | 12 | 0.0054 |
| #2 | Blunt | 9 | 0.0047 |
| #3 | teamrw | 8 | 0.0048 |
| #4 | Family Strokes | 8 | 0.0070 |
| #5 | Barack O'Beezy | 6 | 0.0038 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blunt | 452 | 0.24 | 11 min |
| #2 | Slippy | 206 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #3 | Barack O'Beezy | 160 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | 69asscheek | 129 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| #5 | teamrw | 89 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blunt | +3.33 | 65 | 59 |
| #2 | Slippy | +3.23 | 71 | 52 |
| #3 | 69asscheek | +3.08 | 58 | 42 |
| #4 | Champ Hasbulla | +1.91 | 66 | 49 |
| #5 | teamrw | -0.38 | 38 | 51 |





