








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 243 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 149 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 11 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1278 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,889 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1534 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1668 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1347 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 1340 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $644,225 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 89 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blunt | 52% | 48 |
| #2 | 69asscheek | 51% | 53 |
| #3 | teamrw | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | luomubanaani420 | 46% | 50 |
| #5 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 45% | 76 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | teamrw | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | luomubanaani420 | 46% | 50 |
| #5 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 45% | 76 |
| #6 | Slippy | 43% | 35 |
| #7 | Family Strokes | 40% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 9 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | 69asscheek | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Blunt | 4 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | Slippy | 4 | 0.0056 |
| #5 | Family Strokes | 2 | 0.0037 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 248 | 0.16 | 6 min |
| #2 | 69asscheek | 234 | 0.21 | 5 min |
| #3 | Blunt | 200 | 0.20 | 4 min |
| #4 | luomubanaani420 | 102 | 0.10 | 2 min |
| #5 | Slippy | 67 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 69asscheek | +6.79 | 74 | 55 |
| #2 | Blunt | +3.24 | 68 | 59 |
| #3 | Slippy | +2.92 | 73 | 49 |
| #4 | teamrw | +0.17 | 41 | 51 |
| #5 | asscheeks69asscheeks | -1.13 | 48 | 56 |





