








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 884 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 168 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2264 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,666 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1409 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1895 | 33% |
| HE Grenades | 700 | 12% |
| Molotovs | 1662 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $694,522 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 302 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | KubikSemga | 62% | 13 |
| #2 | Champ Hasbulla | 57% | 14 |
| #3 | Blunt | 51% | 96 |
| #4 | teamrw | 45% | 47 |
| #5 | Barack O'Beezy | 43% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | teamrw | 45% | 47 |
| #5 | Barack O'Beezy | 43% | 35 |
| #6 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 39% | 107 |
| #7 | StormIsHot | 38% | 16 |
| #8 | Family Strokes | 37% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 16 | 0.0072 |
| #2 | Blunt | 9 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Family Strokes | 5 | 0.0069 |
| #4 | teamrw | 4 | 0.0043 |
| #5 | Barack O'Beezy | 3 | 0.0042 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blunt | 442 | 0.22 | 11 min |
| #2 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 344 | 0.15 | 7 min |
| #3 | Barack O'Beezy | 65 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #4 | teamrw | 55 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| #5 | StormIsHot | 43 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Slippy | +3.64 | 72 | 56 |
| #2 | Blunt | +2.35 | 60 | 58 |
| #3 | Champ Hasbulla | +1.17 | 65 | 47 |
| #4 | teamrw | -1.08 | 38 | 45 |
| #5 | asscheeks69asscheeks | -1.10 | 42 | 49 |





