








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 66 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 24 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
316 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 480 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 70 | 15% |
| Smokes | 95 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 257 | 54% |
| Molotovs | 58 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $246,336 of utility $172 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Champ Hasbulla | 60% | 10 |
| #2 | Blunt | 46% | 28 |
| #3 | 69asscheek | 45% | 22 |
| #4 | Barack O'Beezy | 40% | 25 |
| #5 | teamrw | 37% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Barack O'Beezy | 40% | 25 |
| #5 | teamrw | 37% | 38 |
| #6 | Slippy | 37% | 38 |
| #7 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 36% | 59 |
| #8 | luomubanaani420 | 25% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 7 | 0.0060 |
| #2 | Slippy | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | teamrw | 4 | 0.0055 |
| #4 | Blunt | 2 | 0.0035 |
| #5 | 69asscheek | 2 | 0.0044 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 183 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #2 | Blunt | 129 | 0.23 | 3 min |
| #3 | 69asscheek | 97 | 0.21 | 2 min |
| #4 | Slippy | 68 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Barack O'Beezy | 57 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | 69asscheek | +5.98 | 68 | 57 |
| #2 | Blunt | +4.68 | 59 | 55 |
| #3 | Slippy | +4.23 | 71 | 56 |
| #4 | Champ Hasbulla | +2.56 | 68 | 50 |
| #5 | asscheeks69asscheeks | -0.14 | 43 | 43 |





