








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 160 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 45 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
737 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,494 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 292 | 20% |
| Smokes | 413 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 326 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 463 | 31% |
Our logs show you have wasted $460,547 of utility $239 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 34 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blunt | 55% | 38 |
| #2 | Champ Hasbulla | 55% | 11 |
| #3 | Barack O'Beezy | 48% | 21 |
| #4 | Slippy | 45% | 47 |
| #5 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 41% | 82 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Slippy | 45% | 47 |
| #5 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 41% | 82 |
| #6 | 69asscheek | 40% | 20 |
| #7 | luomubanaani420 | 37% | 19 |
| #8 | Family Strokes | 37% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 11 | 0.0066 |
| #2 | Slippy | 7 | 0.0073 |
| #3 | Family Strokes | 7 | 0.0100 |
| #4 | Barack O'Beezy | 3 | 0.0070 |
| #5 | Blunt | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | asscheeks69asscheeks | 248 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | Blunt | 189 | 0.25 | 4 min |
| #3 | Slippy | 96 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | 69asscheek | 82 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #5 | Barack O'Beezy | 52 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Blunt | +4.28 | 64 | 59 |
| #2 | Slippy | +3.88 | 70 | 52 |
| #3 | Champ Hasbulla | +2.24 | 61 | 52 |
| #4 | 69asscheek | +1.71 | 58 | 45 |
| #5 | asscheeks69asscheeks | -0.39 | 44 | 50 |





