








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 263 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 39 matches | ||
| Premier | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
925 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,755 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1240 | 26% |
| Smokes | 1127 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1268 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1120 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $262,322 of utility $133 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 121 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Keli96 | 55% | 38 |
| #4 | kulsi~ | 50% | 16 |
| #5 | Lars | 48% | 46 |
| #6 | Deswatem | 48% | 21 |
| #7 | ✪ sJEF | 48% | 61 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ sJEF | 4 | 0.0031 |
| #2 | Keli96 | 2 | 0.0023 |
| #3 | Navilicous | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Lars | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | kulsi~ | 1 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ sJEF | 139 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #2 | Keli96 | 133 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #3 | Navilicous | 84 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | kulsi~ | 83 | 0.24 | 3 min |
| #5 | Lars | 69 | 0.07 | 2 min |





