








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 683 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 98 matches | ||
| Wingman | 68 matches | ||
| Premier | 67 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 18 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3194 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,353 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4633 | 32% |
| Smokes | 4529 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 2476 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 2715 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,124,744 of utility $161 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1022 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deswatem | 68% | 22 |
| #2 | Navilicous | 67% | 82 |
| #3 | Rubinstern | 64% | 83 |
| #4 | ✪ sJEF | 61% | 127 |
| #5 | kulsi~ | 59% | 137 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | eellie01 | 50% | 28 |
| #10 | The Onion Jr | 48% | 42 |
| #11 | Kvistkløyværn | 43% | 42 |
| #12 | Chillnub | 42% | 33 |
| #13 | holymaloney | 28% | 18 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ sJEF | 9 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Lars | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #3 | kulsi~ | 3 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | The Onion Jr | 3 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | Navilicous | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kulsi~ | 553 | 0.19 | 14 min |
| #2 | Rubinstern | 464 | 0.27 | 15 min |
| #3 | Lars | 383 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #4 | The Onion Jr | 273 | 0.30 | 7 min |
| #5 | ✪ sJEF | 265 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | kulsi~ | +2.01 | 78 | 68 |
| #2 | Lars | +1.90 | 45 | 65 |
| #3 | ✪ sJEF | +1.13 | 75 | 50 |
| #4 | Keli96 | +0.90 | 72 | 70 |
| #5 | Rubinstern | +0.59 | 72 | 63 |





