








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 848 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 333 matches | ||
| Faceit | 88 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 58 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




25 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4482 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,549 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4281 | 23% |
| Smokes | 6529 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2960 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 4779 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,423,038 of utility $141 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1082 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p@ti | 55% | 176 |
| #2 | blackstorm | 54% | 203 |
| #3 | jorge (new audio settings) | 54% | 244 |
| #4 | ✪ HENIOOO | 53% | 238 |
| #5 | Gaybob Fagpants | 52% | 234 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jorge (new audio settings) | 19 | 0.0037 |
| #2 | p@ti | 14 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | ✪ HENIOOO | 12 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | First Lieutenant KnuT | 12 | 0.0055 |
| #5 | >? | 5 | 0.0090 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gaybob Fagpants | 834 | 0.17 | 23 min |
| #2 | blackstorm | 825 | 0.19 | 19 min |
| #3 | jorge (new audio settings) | 745 | 0.15 | 19 min |
| #4 | ✪ HENIOOO | 397 | 0.08 | 9 min |
| #5 | First Lieutenant KnuT | 135 | 0.06 | 3 min |





