








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 350 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 79 matches | ||
| Faceit | 54 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




14 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1300 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,631 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 758 | 13% |
| Smokes | 1693 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1403 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 1777 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $801,773 of utility $200 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Gaybob Fagpants | 55% | 114 |
| #5 | .wyne666 | 55% | 176 |
| #6 | jorge (new audio settings) | 54% | 113 |
| #7 | First Lieutenant KnuT | 53% | 38 |
| #8 | Blizzard | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .wyne666 | 11 | 0.0029 |
| #2 | jorge (new audio settings) | 10 | 0.0041 |
| #3 | ✪ HENIOOO | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | First Lieutenant KnuT | 3 | 0.0036 |
| #5 | Gaybob Fagpants | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .wyne666 | 502 | 0.13 | 15 min |
| #2 | Gaybob Fagpants | 419 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #3 | jorge (new audio settings) | 411 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #4 | blackstorm | 309 | 0.18 | 7 min |
| #5 | ✪ HENIOOO | 144 | 0.08 | 3 min |





