








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 352 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Premier | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 8 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1285 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 6,090 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2050 | 34% |
| Smokes | 1485 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1154 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 1401 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $303,682 of utility $105 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 227 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BluntSteel^ | 70% | 10 |
| #2 | Strawman Harrowback | 64% | 11 |
| #3 | Robbie Rotten | 63% | 19 |
| #4 | deva_mari | 59% | 27 |
| #5 | lonny | 58% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lonny | 4 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | .#πΎππ πππππππππππ^ | 2 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Robbie Rotten | 2 | 0.0051 |
| #4 | beak> | 1 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | Strawman Harrowback | 1 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lonny | 170 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #2 | beak> | 141 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | Mr. Tojo | 82 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Strawman Harrowback | 66 | 0.28 | 2 min |
| #5 | Robbie Rotten | 62 | 0.16 | 1 min |





