










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 240 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 255 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 176 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 101 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 73 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 36 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 26 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Renown | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 67 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3663 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,786 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4071 | 16% |
| Smokes | 6159 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 8964 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 5592 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,524,089 of utility $159 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 2759 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | beak> | 69% | 55 |
| #2 | Robbie Rotten | 60% | 108 |
| #3 | SCOOB | 55% | 51 |
| #4 | Mr. Tojo | 50% | 139 |
| #5 | lonny | 50% | 720 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lonny | 52 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Robbie Rotten | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | .#πΎππ πππππππππππ^ | 5 | 0.0038 |
| #4 | Mr. Tojo | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | BluntSteel^ | 3 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | lonny | 2994 | 0.21 | 74 min |
| #2 | Robbie Rotten | 320 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #3 | Mr. Tojo | 187 | 0.07 | 5 min |
| #4 | beak> | 120 | 0.11 | 3 min |
| #5 | SCOOB | 81 | 0.08 | 2 min |





