








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 51 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 98 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 4 different maps




Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
623 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,655 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 218 | 13% |
| Smokes | 856 | 52% |
| HE Grenades | 356 | 22% |
| Molotovs | 225 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $192,981 of utility $85 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tuvalu | 67% | 6 |
| #2 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | 54% | 24 |
| #3 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 52% | 25 |
| #4 | Wood Meister | 47% | 19 |
| #5 | wimble | 47% | 66 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Wood Meister | 47% | 19 |
| #5 | wimble | 47% | 66 |
| #6 | cheaster | 46% | 39 |
| #7 | Drpringle777 | 38% | 21 |
| #8 | PlayerUnmet | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wimble | 51 | 0.0394 |
| #2 | cheaster | 18 | 0.0227 |
| #3 | Wood Meister | 11 | 0.0289 |
| #4 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | 6 | 0.0124 |
| #5 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 3 | 0.0062 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wimble | 516 | 0.40 | 8 min |
| #2 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | 139 | 0.29 | 3 min |
| #3 | cheaster | 54 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Drpringle777 | 46 | 0.12 | 0 min |
| #5 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 40 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | +3.37 | 43 | 43 |
| #2 | wimble | +2.74 | 58 | 44 |
| #3 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | +2.67 | 93 | 61 |
| #4 | cheaster | +1.85 | 51 | 38 |
| #5 | Wood Meister | +0.67 | 31 | 11 |





