








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 296 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 280 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




173 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2809 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,223 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 96 | 2% |
| Smokes | 984 | 19% |
| HE Grenades | 2659 | 51% |
| Molotovs | 1484 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $929,169 of utility $149 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 111 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p4905 | 76% | 37 |
| #2 | Alex | 63% | 30 |
| #3 | Chaj. | 60% | 52 |
| #4 | Mococo Abyssgard | 58% | 99 |
| #5 | Shaykelon | 57% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | cheaster | 51% | 178 |
| #11 | PlayerUnmet | 50% | 98 |
| #12 | sofa | 47% | 19 |
| #13 | Tuvalu | 46% | 65 |
| #14 | Drpringle777 | 44% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wimble | 68 | 0.0315 |
| #2 | cheaster | 64 | 0.0180 |
| #3 | Mococo Abyssgard | 38 | 0.0191 |
| #4 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 30 | 0.0075 |
| #5 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | 15 | 0.0247 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 1221 | 0.31 | 30 min |
| #2 | wimble | 993 | 0.46 | 21 min |
| #3 | Mococo Abyssgard | 278 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #4 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | 240 | 0.40 | 6 min |
| #5 | cheaster | 190 | 0.05 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p4905 | +6.85 | 87 | 63 |
| #2 | Mococo Abyssgard | +2.70 | 69 | 65 |
| #3 | wimble | +2.68 | 50 | 56 |
| #4 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | +2.18 | 75 | 72 |
| #5 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | +0.85 | 23 | 61 |





