








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 516 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 198 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 58 matches | ||
| Premier | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




178 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3381 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,815 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5562 | 40% |
| Smokes | 2305 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 3324 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2624 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $373,457 of utility $55 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 963 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Fynises | 68% | 25 |
| #2 | Alex | 64% | 22 |
| #3 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | 61% | 116 |
| #4 | p4905 | 61% | 28 |
| #5 | Chaj. | 60% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | Wood Meister | 51% | 107 |
| #11 | cheaster | 50% | 171 |
| #12 | sofa | 47% | 66 |
| #13 | Drpringle777 | 46% | 57 |
| #14 | Tuvalu | 43% | 42 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wood Meister | 78 | 0.0361 |
| #2 | cheaster | 68 | 0.0195 |
| #3 | Mococo Abyssgard | 32 | 0.0198 |
| #4 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | 28 | 0.0122 |
| #5 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 21 | 0.0091 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | 723 | 0.32 | 19 min |
| #2 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 679 | 0.29 | 15 min |
| #3 | Mococo Abyssgard | 266 | 0.16 | 7 min |
| #4 | cheaster | 194 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #5 | Drpringle777 | 114 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p4905 | +6.64 | 84 | 65 |
| #2 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | +2.49 | 78 | 71 |
| #3 | wimble | +2.17 | 53 | 56 |
| #4 | Mococo Abyssgard | +2.08 | 60 | 63 |
| #5 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | +1.74 | 25 | 58 |





