








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 609 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 646 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 34 matches | ||
| Wingman | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




190 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6203 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,898 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2364 | 18% |
| Smokes | 4124 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 3158 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 3252 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,032,728 of utility $72 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 3124 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p4905 | 68% | 153 |
| #2 | Chaj. | 63% | 182 |
| #3 | Anything | 63% | 57 |
| #4 | Fynises | 61% | 219 |
| #5 | Mococo Abyssgard | 58% | 298 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #13 | Wood Meister | 51% | 178 |
| #14 | wimble | 50% | 171 |
| #15 | Tuvalu | 49% | 114 |
| #16 | Drpringle777 | 48% | 128 |
| #17 | sofa | 46% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wood Meister | 108 | 0.0304 |
| #2 | wimble | 105 | 0.0304 |
| #3 | Mococo Abyssgard | 96 | 0.0160 |
| #4 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 34 | 0.0078 |
| #5 | Chaj. | 26 | 0.0071 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wimble | 1582 | 0.46 | 35 min |
| #2 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 1361 | 0.31 | 30 min |
| #3 | Mococo Abyssgard | 869 | 0.15 | 22 min |
| #4 | p4905 | 356 | 0.12 | 9 min |
| #5 | Alex | 297 | 0.13 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p4905 | +7.31 | 87 | 63 |
| #2 | Anything | +4.83 | 82 | 52 |
| #3 | Mococo Abyssgard | +3.57 | 69 | 64 |
| #4 | wimble | +1.81 | 49 | 56 |
| #5 | Mula Hwaka | +1.34 | 55 | 50 |





