








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 140 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 171 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 5 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 4 different maps




Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
535 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,307 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 762 | 23% |
| Smokes | 441 | 13% |
| HE Grenades | 1175 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 929 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $329,459 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 465 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p4905 | 66% | 38 |
| #2 | Kara | 64% | 11 |
| #3 | Cotton Candy Bullets | 60% | 15 |
| #4 | Alex | 58% | 38 |
| #5 | PlayerUnmet | 57% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | cheaster | 34 | 0.0133 |
| #2 | wimble | 32 | 0.0273 |
| #3 | Wood Meister | 22 | 0.0245 |
| #4 | Mococo Abyssgard | 19 | 0.0117 |
| #5 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 6 | 0.0058 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wimble | 548 | 0.47 | 11 min |
| #2 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 294 | 0.29 | 8 min |
| #3 | Mococo Abyssgard | 201 | 0.12 | 5 min |
| #4 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | 147 | 0.39 | 4 min |
| #5 | cheaster | 138 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | p4905 | +9.68 | 86 | 68 |
| #2 | Mococo Abyssgard | +4.70 | 72 | 64 |
| #3 | wimble | +3.62 | 52 | 59 |
| #4 | Mula Hwaka | +3.29 | 56 | 59 |
| #5 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | +3.20 | 79 | 78 |





