








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 16 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 49 matches | ||
| Premier | 48 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1287 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,099 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 953 | 23% |
| Smokes | 1176 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 982 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 988 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $414,738 of utility $156 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 94 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | megumeme | 64% | 74 |
| #2 | xaviersobasedcs | 56% | 25 |
| #3 | jose avocado | 54% | 46 |
| #4 | x3Silencer | 54% | 63 |
| #5 | rehab escapee | 53% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | 29-1 | 53% | 17 |
| #7 | trang bang | 52% | 21 |
| #8 | awwww so cute | 52% | 66 |
| #9 | Tuna | 51% | 68 |
| #10 | stewany | 50% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | x3Silencer | 6 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | megumeme | 3 | 0.0018 |
| #3 | xaviersobasedcs | 3 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | Tuna | 2 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | jose avocado | 2 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | megumeme | 437 | 0.26 | 13 min |
| #2 | Tuna | 378 | 0.25 | 9 min |
| #3 | awwww so cute | 315 | 0.22 | 8 min |
| #4 | jose avocado | 192 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #5 | x3Silencer | 148 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | rehab escapee | +3.58 | 81 | 50 |
| #2 | 29-1 | +2.91 | 74 | 26 |
| #3 | megumeme | +2.83 | 66 | 64 |
| #4 | stewany | +1.15 | 65 | 67 |
| #5 | xaviersobasedcs | +1.02 | 82 | 48 |





