








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 188 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Vertigo | 159 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 3 different maps



Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1696 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,585 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 555 | 15% |
| Smokes | 1073 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 1038 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 919 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $432,911 of utility $124 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 73 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alex | 79% | 14 |
| #2 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | 64% | 11 |
| #3 | Mococo Abyssgard | 59% | 59 |
| #4 | Chaj. | 58% | 12 |
| #5 | Drpringle777 | 57% | 23 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #9 | wimble | 54% | 69 |
| #10 | Wood Meister | 50% | 98 |
| #11 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 49% | 91 |
| #12 | Tuvalu | 44% | 36 |
| #13 | sofa | 36% | 11 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Wood Meister | 50 | 0.0257 |
| #2 | wimble | 48 | 0.0345 |
| #3 | cheaster | 43 | 0.0182 |
| #4 | Mococo Abyssgard | 24 | 0.0201 |
| #5 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 15 | 0.0080 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | wimble | 621 | 0.45 | 14 min |
| #2 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | 553 | 0.29 | 14 min |
| #3 | Mococo Abyssgard | 197 | 0.16 | 5 min |
| #4 | cheaster | 138 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | 63 | 0.29 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mococo Abyssgard | +3.59 | 68 | 61 |
| #2 | Ikea, the Wonderful Everyday | +2.54 | 69 | 72 |
| #3 | Alex | +2.08 | 48 | 61 |
| #4 | BOSCH SABRE RECIPROCATING SAW | +1.67 | 27 | 60 |
| #5 | wimble | +1.65 | 48 | 57 |





