








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 543 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 224 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 50 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 21 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




17 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4376 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,593 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1869 | 22% |
| Smokes | 1977 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2977 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 1770 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,269,720 of utility $126 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 417 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SigmaGrindsetAlpha | 60% | 52 |
| #2 | KAKAKKAKAKKAKAKAKKAKAKKAKAKA | 60% | 94 |
| #3 | :3 | 56% | 77 |
| #4 | Mortuss | 50% | 267 |
| #5 | Ornn Main | 49% | 248 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eternal Love | 26 | 0.0055 |
| #2 | :3 | 10 | 0.0071 |
| #3 | Mortuss | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Ornn Main | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | SigmaGrindsetAlpha | 6 | 0.0060 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eternal Love | 914 | 0.19 | 25 min |
| #2 | KAKAKKAKAKKAKAKAKKAKAKKAKAKA | 426 | 0.21 | 11 min |
| #3 | :3 | 293 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #4 | SigmaGrindsetAlpha | 221 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #5 | Mortuss | 191 | 0.04 | 5 min |





