








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 658 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 473 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 75 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 17 matches | ||
| Faceit | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Wingman | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 120 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4939 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,644 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1810 | 16% |
| Smokes | 3273 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 3724 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2837 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,392,509 of utility $146 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 311 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SigmaGrindsetAlpha | 53% | 43 |
| #2 | Ornn Main | 53% | 226 |
| #3 | :3 | 53% | 57 |
| #4 | Beikenost | 50% | 267 |
| #5 | Eternal Love | 49% | 225 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eternal Love | 25 | 0.0053 |
| #2 | Beikenost | 11 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | KAKAKKAKAKKAKAKAKKAKAKKAKAKA | 10 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | :3 | 5 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | Ronald Reagan | 4 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eternal Love | 981 | 0.21 | 25 min |
| #2 | KAKAKKAKAKKAKAKAKKAKAKKAKAKA | 552 | 0.22 | 14 min |
| #3 | Beikenost | 346 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #4 | :3 | 262 | 0.25 | 8 min |
| #5 | SigmaGrindsetAlpha | 196 | 0.24 | 6 min |





