










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 139 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3572 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,746 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 815 | 17% |
| Smokes | 1270 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1233 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1428 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,042,180 of utility $160 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 483 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SigmaGrindsetAlpha | 63% | 30 |
| #2 | Facts | 61% | 33 |
| #3 | :3 | 59% | 44 |
| #4 | Eternal Love | 51% | 151 |
| #5 | KAKAKKAKAKKAKAKAKKAKAKKAKAKA | 51% | 81 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | KAKAKKAKAKKAKAKAKKAKAKKAKAKA | 51% | 81 |
| #6 | oakee | 50% | 20 |
| #7 | Mortuss | 48% | 182 |
| #8 | Beikenost | 48% | 166 |
| #9 | HurriedHond | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eternal Love | 16 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | Beikenost | 6 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | SigmaGrindsetAlpha | 5 | 0.0083 |
| #4 | Mortuss | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | :3 | 4 | 0.0048 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Eternal Love | 638 | 0.20 | 17 min |
| #2 | KAKAKKAKAKKAKAKAKKAKAKKAKAKA | 322 | 0.20 | 8 min |
| #3 | Beikenost | 207 | 0.06 | 5 min |
| #4 | :3 | 157 | 0.19 | 4 min |
| #5 | oakee | 147 | 0.39 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oakee | +4.17 | 85 | 68 |
| #2 | KAKAKKAKAKKAKAKAKKAKAKKAKAKA | +2.87 | 85 | 57 |
| #3 | Ronald Reagan | +2.14 | 87 | 39 |
| #4 | Facts | +0.96 | 74 | 41 |
| #5 | SigmaGrindsetAlpha | +0.89 | 59 | 71 |





