








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 439 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 40 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 34 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Wingman | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1785 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,553 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1675 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1316 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1455 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 1107 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,350,066 of utility $225 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 10 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | Jwil | 53% | 257 |
| #9 | Jung VonGubbons | 50% | 20 |
| #10 | Jab Jabich | 49% | 102 |
| #11 | Buck | 38% | 21 |
| #12 | Lee VanGoggles | 38% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jwil | 47 | 0.0092 |
| #2 | Private War Daddy | 47 | 0.0128 |
| #3 | Lee VanGoggles | 11 | 0.0109 |
| #4 | droo | 7 | 0.0060 |
| #5 | squidy | 6 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Private War Daddy | 556 | 0.15 | 13 min |
| #2 | Jwil | 415 | 0.08 | 10 min |
| #3 | squidy | 152 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | droo | 137 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | Jab Jabich | 106 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hank Schrader | +7.47 | 85 | 58 |
| #2 | Private War Daddy | +7.45 | 81 | 52 |
| #3 | droo | +2.56 | 73 | 38 |
| #4 | YeOJay | +1.84 | 37 | 60 |
| #5 | Jwil | +1.49 | 48 | 48 |





