








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 516 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 393 matches | ||
| Premier | 96 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




95 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5588 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,905 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8482 | 35% |
| Smokes | 6866 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3920 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 4637 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,328,646 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 506 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oomi | 61% | 83 |
| #2 | YKNSE | 61% | 28 |
| #3 | mandu | 59% | 32 |
| #4 | z | 59% | 58 |
| #5 | yeji | 58% | 146 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #10 | MasterAce <3 | 52% | 77 |
| #11 | flairr | 48% | 29 |
| #12 | JM | 44% | 50 |
| #13 | obiiking | 40% | 30 |
| #14 | The Babbahermeeni | 32% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GhostRob | 17 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | yeji | 13 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | z | 12 | 0.0094 |
| #4 | MasterAce <3 | 11 | 0.0064 |
| #5 | flairr | 9 | 0.0154 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swoffmiester | 563 | 0.16 | 12 min |
| #2 | GhostRob | 436 | 0.14 | 13 min |
| #3 | Cru$h | 391 | 0.17 | 10 min |
| #4 | yeji | 316 | 0.10 | 7 min |
| #5 | oomi | 229 | 0.13 | 5 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | oomi | +1.62 | 80 | 61 |
| #2 | yeji | +1.51 | 85 | 61 |
| #3 | Donkey (drop me the awp) | +0.78 | 72 | 72 |
| #4 | Swoffmiester | +0.64 | 67 | 61 |
| #5 | z | +0.55 | 79 | 62 |





