








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 235 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September

The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 104 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
586 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,596 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 287 | 11% |
| Smokes | 477 | 18% |
| HE Grenades | 1221 | 47% |
| Molotovs | 611 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $582,506 of utility $241 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 40 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 56% | 41 |
| #2 | Frænk | 50% | 10 |
| #3 | Bjakken | 46% | 70 |
| #4 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 44% | 93 |
| #5 | Ostekake! ャ | 44% | 91 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Bjakken | 46% | 70 |
| #4 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 44% | 93 |
| #5 | Ostekake! ャ | 44% | 91 |
| #6 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 28% | 74 |
| #7 | Biff-Slegga | 25% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ostekake! ャ | 9 | 0.0050 |
| #2 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 9 | 0.0059 |
| #3 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 3 | 0.0016 |
| #4 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 3 | 0.0037 |
| #5 | Biff-Slegga | 3 | 0.0073 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 158 | 0.08 | 5 min |
| #2 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 109 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | Ostekake! ャ | 88 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #4 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 64 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | Frænk | 22 | 0.10 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | +2.86 | 87 | 60 |
| #2 | Frænk | +2.75 | 58 | 72 |
| #3 | Bjakken | +2.15 | 79 | 23 |
| #4 | Ostekake! ャ | +1.18 | 39 | 75 |
| #5 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | -1.14 | 37 | 73 |





