








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 492 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 184 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1521 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,145 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 44 | 2% |
| Smokes | 967 | 45% |
| HE Grenades | 435 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 699 | 33% |
Our logs show you have wasted $938,688 of utility $245 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 63 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 57% | 60 |
| #2 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 46% | 130 |
| #3 | Bestevenn | 46% | 70 |
| #4 | Frænk | 45% | 31 |
| #5 | Ostekake! ャ | 43% | 152 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Bestevenn | 46% | 70 |
| #4 | Frænk | 45% | 31 |
| #5 | Ostekake! ャ | 43% | 152 |
| #6 | Biff-Slegga | 41% | 59 |
| #7 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 34% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ostekake! ャ | 11 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 11 | 0.0050 |
| #3 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 7 | 0.0027 |
| #4 | Bestevenn | 7 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 5 | 0.0041 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 223 | 0.09 | 6 min |
| #2 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 175 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #3 | Ostekake! ャ | 122 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #4 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 97 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #5 | Frænk | 44 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frænk | +2.45 | 69 | 63 |
| #2 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | +2.43 | 89 | 61 |
| #3 | Bjakken | +1.31 | 75 | 23 |
| #4 | Ostekake! ャ | +0.96 | 50 | 73 |
| #5 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | -1.63 | 40 | 69 |





