








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 543 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 206 matches | ||
| Premier | 18 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




20 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1821 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,224 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1804 | 25% |
| Smokes | 1803 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 2456 | 34% |
| Molotovs | 1161 | 16% |
Our logs show you have wasted $873,148 of utility $169 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 338 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 42% | 52 |
| #2 | Frænk | 38% | 47 |
| #3 | MIKSEL | 37% | 65 |
| #4 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 35% | 154 |
| #5 | Bjakken | 34% | 109 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 35% | 154 |
| #5 | Bjakken | 34% | 109 |
| #6 | Ostekake! ャ | 32% | 156 |
| #7 | Biff-Slegga | 29% | 48 |
| #8 | Bestevenn | 28% | 74 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ostekake! ャ | 14 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Bestevenn | 8 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 6 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | MIKSEL | 4 | 0.0032 |
| #5 | Bjakken | 3 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 275 | 0.09 | 8 min |
| #2 | Ostekake! ャ | 146 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #3 | Frænk | 85 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 77 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #5 | MIKSEL | 72 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frænk | +2.29 | 61 | 62 |
| #2 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | +2.02 | 86 | 61 |
| #3 | Bjakken | +1.45 | 76 | 24 |
| #4 | Ostekake! ャ | +0.31 | 46 | 66 |
| #5 | MIKSEL | -1.42 | 64 | 47 |





