








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 498 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 70 matches | ||
| Premier | 25 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 29 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1491 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,472 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 635 | 18% |
| Smokes | 852 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 1146 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 839 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $962,361 of utility $347 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 62 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Bjakken | 57% | 60 |
| #2 | Bestevenn | 56% | 41 |
| #3 | Biff-Slegga | 54% | 26 |
| #4 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 51% | 94 |
| #5 | Ostekake! ャ | 50% | 107 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 51% | 94 |
| #5 | Ostekake! ャ | 50% | 107 |
| #6 | meloNis | 46% | 24 |
| #7 | Frænk | 44% | 18 |
| #8 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 42% | 52 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 8 | 0.0076 |
| #2 | Ostekake! ャ | 6 | 0.0028 |
| #3 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | Bjakken | 2 | 0.0017 |
| #5 | Bestevenn | 2 | 0.0025 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 147 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #2 | Ostekake! ャ | 120 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #3 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 85 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | Frænk | 51 | 0.13 | 1 min |
| #5 | meloNis | 29 | 0.06 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Frænk | +2.78 | 55 | 69 |
| #2 | Bjakken | +2.05 | 73 | 24 |
| #3 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | +2.01 | 82 | 61 |
| #4 | meloNis | +1.11 | 69 | 53 |
| #5 | Ostekake! ャ | +0.67 | 42 | 67 |





