








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 110 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 71 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
439 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 855 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 107 | 13% |
| Smokes | 216 | 25% |
| HE Grenades | 308 | 36% |
| Molotovs | 224 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $246,545 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 114 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 54% | 26 |
| #2 | Frænk | 48% | 21 |
| #3 | Ostekake! ャ | 45% | 58 |
| #4 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 42% | 57 |
| #5 | Bjakken | 41% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 42% | 57 |
| #5 | Bjakken | 41% | 59 |
| #6 | meloNis | 33% | 9 |
| #7 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 29% | 48 |
| #8 | Bestevenn | 25% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ostekake! ャ | 6 | 0.0051 |
| #2 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 5 | 0.0052 |
| #3 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 3 | 0.0026 |
| #4 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 3 | 0.0054 |
| #5 | Frænk | 3 | 0.0076 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ℜى - IT WAS THE SHEEP! | 89 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| #2 | AYYYYYYLMAO | 76 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #3 | Ostekake! ャ | 47 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #4 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | 43 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | Frænk | 42 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | fish_buddi3 <*))>< | +2.67 | 87 | 58 |
| #2 | Bjakken | +1.97 | 79 | 27 |
| #3 | Frænk | +1.57 | 63 | 65 |
| #4 | Ostekake! ャ | +1.50 | 55 | 72 |
| #5 | meloNis | -0.24 | 74 | 41 |





