








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 14 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 215 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2095 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,096 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 995 | 32% |
| Smokes | 670 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 771 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 660 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $522,418 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 13 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brandosi | 52% | 67 |
| #2 | ⌖☢☣_lord_mord_☣☢⌖ | 49% | 216 |
| #3 | Work in progress | 46% | 37 |
| #4 | Joey | 45% | 133 |
| #5 | Violent_Chicken | 44% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⌖☢☣_lord_mord_☣☢⌖ | 42 | 0.0094 |
| #2 | Brandosi | 6 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | Frodo | 6 | 0.0078 |
| #4 | •÷/ вιgғernand \÷• | 5 | 0.0057 |
| #5 | Violent_Chicken | 3 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ⌖☢☣_lord_mord_☣☢⌖ | 1435 | 0.32 | 32 min |
| #2 | Joey | 475 | 0.18 | 10 min |
| #3 | Violent_Chicken | 266 | 0.15 | 6 min |
| #4 | •÷/ вιgғernand \÷• | 82 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #5 | Work in progress | 57 | 0.07 | 1 min |





