








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 366 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 577 matches | ||
| Premier | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 90 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6542 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 28,441 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8653 | 30% |
| Smokes | 7399 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 5306 | 19% |
| Molotovs | 7083 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,629,846 of utility $118 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 528 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J3y | 55% | 86 |
| #2 | bluefalcon | 55% | 306 |
| #3 | nomanasendhelp | 54% | 215 |
| #4 | Escolik ツ | 54% | 173 |
| #5 | Boketto | 53% | 441 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | not iceman | 52% | 217 |
| #8 | Silky | 52% | 279 |
| #9 | 💀💀💀 | 49% | 214 |
| #10 | Fyre ツ | 49% | 111 |
| #11 | MaggyD | 45% | 47 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nomanasendhelp | 15 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | Boketto | 10 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | Silky | 8 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | stormzyy | 7 | 0.0008 |
| #5 | bluefalcon | 3 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nomanasendhelp | 1615 | 0.36 | 39 min |
| #2 | stormzyy | 1349 | 0.16 | 35 min |
| #3 | bluefalcon | 1116 | 0.17 | 31 min |
| #4 | Boketto | 1085 | 0.11 | 26 min |
| #5 | 💀💀💀 | 881 | 0.19 | 20 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stormzyy | +1.31 | 78 | 63 |
| #2 | germ | +1.19 | 77 | 66 |
| #3 | not iceman | +1.17 | 81 | 62 |
| #4 | bluefalcon | +0.47 | 79 | 67 |
| #5 | J3y | +0.26 | 81 | 66 |





