








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 214 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 351 matches | ||
| Premier | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4500 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,908 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4804 | 32% |
| Smokes | 3858 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 2069 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 4177 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $816,120 of utility $99 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 97 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nomanasendhelp | 63% | 101 |
| #2 | Escolik ツ | 60% | 60 |
| #3 | 💀💀💀 | 57% | 134 |
| #4 | Boketto | 56% | 235 |
| #5 | Silky | 55% | 121 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | germ | 55% | 306 |
| #8 | stormzyy | 53% | 243 |
| #9 | J3y | 52% | 29 |
| #10 | MaggyD | 48% | 48 |
| #11 | Fyre ツ | 38% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | germ | 8 | 0.0012 |
| #2 | nomanasendhelp | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #3 | stormzyy | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Boketto | 1 | 0.0002 |
| #5 | not iceman | 1 | 0.0003 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | germ | 1781 | 0.26 | 47 min |
| #2 | stormzyy | 858 | 0.16 | 22 min |
| #3 | nomanasendhelp | 766 | 0.35 | 20 min |
| #4 | 💀💀💀 | 549 | 0.19 | 12 min |
| #5 | Boketto | 542 | 0.10 | 12 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | germ | +1.36 | 78 | 72 |
| #2 | stormzyy | +1.24 | 79 | 64 |
| #3 | not iceman | +1.24 | 79 | 64 |
| #4 | bluefalcon | +0.47 | 79 | 67 |
| #5 | Escolik ツ | +0.24 | 82 | 55 |





