








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 220 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 413 matches | ||
| Premier | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 73 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




13 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4775 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,348 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4999 | 27% |
| Smokes | 5796 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 3099 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 4454 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,320,839 of utility $130 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 147 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J3y | 60% | 42 |
| #2 | not iceman | 59% | 165 |
| #3 | MaggyD | 56% | 55 |
| #4 | nomanasendhelp | 54% | 169 |
| #5 | Boketto | 54% | 331 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Escolik ツ | 52% | 82 |
| #8 | germ | 52% | 390 |
| #9 | Silky | 51% | 176 |
| #10 | Fyre ツ | 50% | 42 |
| #11 | 💀💀💀 | 50% | 132 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | germ | 15 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | nomanasendhelp | 11 | 0.0031 |
| #3 | Silky | 8 | 0.0021 |
| #4 | Boketto | 7 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | bluefalcon | 4 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | germ | 2003 | 0.24 | 51 min |
| #2 | nomanasendhelp | 1230 | 0.35 | 31 min |
| #3 | bluefalcon | 780 | 0.16 | 21 min |
| #4 | Boketto | 735 | 0.10 | 17 min |
| #5 | not iceman | 534 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | stormzyy | +1.54 | 79 | 63 |
| #2 | not iceman | +1.50 | 82 | 63 |
| #3 | germ | +0.88 | 77 | 66 |
| #4 | J3y | +0.49 | 82 | 63 |
| #5 | bluefalcon | +0.23 | 79 | 65 |





