








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 117 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 282 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 22 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2112 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,801 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2955 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2298 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 2447 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 3101 | 29% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,190,834 of utility $179 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 202 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | J3y | 70% | 27 |
| #2 | Boketto | 56% | 214 |
| #3 | bluefalcon | 55% | 121 |
| #4 | 💀💀💀 | 55% | 77 |
| #5 | Escolik ツ | 54% | 59 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | nomanasendhelp | 54% | 143 |
| #7 | not iceman | 52% | 62 |
| #8 | germ | 52% | 279 |
| #9 | stormzyy | 51% | 176 |
| #10 | Fyre ツ | 44% | 39 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | germ | 15 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | nomanasendhelp | 11 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Boketto | 5 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | stormzyy | 5 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | bluefalcon | 1 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | germ | 1644 | 0.27 | 42 min |
| #2 | nomanasendhelp | 1083 | 0.35 | 26 min |
| #3 | stormzyy | 631 | 0.16 | 18 min |
| #4 | bluefalcon | 489 | 0.18 | 14 min |
| #5 | Boketto | 483 | 0.10 | 11 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | not iceman | +2.22 | 77 | 66 |
| #2 | stormzyy | +1.59 | 77 | 64 |
| #3 | germ | +1.31 | 78 | 66 |
| #4 | bluefalcon | +1.13 | 80 | 66 |
| #5 | J3y | +1.05 | 80 | 68 |





